This "State-of-the-mind" thing ... part 2

Link to my earlier blog: "This state-of-the-mind thing - part 1"

Comfort Zone is a wonderful thing. It is home to us – and if the home is as we want it to be, why should anyone venture outside at all?

We know of management stories about people refusing to move out of their comfort zones. I think all of us also create an emotional comfort zone where we like to stay. This much of “happiness” … mixed with that much “melancholy” … add a wee bit of anger – and we have our perfect mood. That is where we always want to be. This position need not be the happiest one – it’s the one where we are most comfortable. Our Emotional Comfort Zone ! Let’s call it ECZ for short, and since we create it ourselves ... it is the perfect parking place for our train of emotions.

Put a sad-ECZ person in a very happy situation, and he finds his way to become sad again. Put a happy-ECZ person in the gutter and he will end up seeing how the dirty water hits itself upon the rocks and creates coloured bubbles … find optimism … and finally he will find a reason to be happy in the gutter. Happiness is not a result of what is happening around us. It is a sub-conscious choice of our favourite ECZ … where we want to be.

Sub-conscious?? Well … maybe – till we realize the truth in the cliché … ‘happiness is a thing of the mind’

The depression patient in my earlier blog became well with a pill. That was temporary – because once the effects wore out, he would be back into his depressive shell. If a constant dose of pills is given to him, he will slowly learn to wear out its effects till the dosage needs to be increased to make him happy. His tendency would always be to go back to his ECZ. More often than not – the choice of friends we make and the company we keep is motivated by who will help us remain in our ECZ.

So how do we break out of our ECZ?

Honestly, I know not. I am trying to understand where my ECZ lies and trying to position myself differently. Maybe that will work. I do find that I am very less “sad” and more “happy” with the simple realization that it’s all about the chemicals in my mind and the ECZ that I have chosen for myself. A start – if I may say so.

I have decided to be more vocal about my ECZ and ask friends and acquaintances where they think my ECZ lies – and try to work on that. And once I know where my ECZ lies, I can probably evaluate my actions in a more unbiased way and break the jinx.

Wish me luck !!

The Mahabharata Blog - II (The Kurukshetra Trigger)

Link to "The Mahabharata Blog - 1 (Karna's Mistake)

The Mahabharata drama, if it happened, happened between people – and the dynamics of relationships were similar then as it is now. This is the reason why this centuries old epic has relevance even in today’s scenario – and the lessons learnt from the Mahabharata apply even to his date ! The Mahabharata centres around small things that we all know and acknowledge – but seldom practice in real life.

At a certain stage in the Mahabharata, the Pandavas and the Kauravas had achieved peace. Pandavas moved to Indrapastha and Kauravas got Hastinapur. Both sides accepted this – and the Pandavas built a great palace for themselves. It was as if finally, the cousins could live in peace. Then why did this escalate into a war again?? What made Duryodhana decide that he would not part with even an inch of land for the Pandavas? How did peace transform into war and what was the underlying reason for that?

We are told by conventional writers that Duryodhana was a greedy one and his greed fuelled the situation back to a warlike situation. But then why did he accept and yield Indraprastha to the Pandavas in the first place? Something here does not seem to add up. Everyone is a mix of good and bad … surely something must have ignited Duryodhana’s dark side to an extent that he went back on all earlier treaties and pacts that were made. What was this?

Let us go back to the time when the Pandavas had built Indraprastha and invited Duryodhana to visit their palace. Now, here was a king who felt he had willingly “given” a part of his kingdom to his cousins – now visiting them from a position of strength and expecting to be received royally. But what happened? It was strange that the people receiving him did not have the foresight to see what was to come…

 

Duryodhana entered the palace and saw a pool of water in the path. He carefully avoided that pool – only to learn that this was actually not a pool, but an illusion. At this stage, he appreciated the way this palace was constructed. The people with him were also in jest. All was well.

Next – Duryodhana saw another similar pool and started to walk over it, thinking that this was a similar illusion. None of the people accompanying him stopped or warned him at this stage – and he walked right into a real pool and got wet. This is against the way guests were supposed to be treated at that time. And more importantly, if the Pandavas had made such a palace – the least expected was to warn Duryodhana in advance. It turned out as if the whole set-up was pre-planned to make Duryodhana fall in the pool of water.

Even at this stage – all would have been well, had not another event accompanied Duryodhana’s fall into the pool of water … Draupadi laughed. And she laughed her heart out, making Duryodhana look like an absolute fool in front of all present. The Male Ego can take a lot … but when they are mocked by the Female in public – it is the final insult they can take. Males take it as a challenge to their manhood – and this was Duryodhana … the King who felt he had given a part of his kingdom away to ensure peace. Surely, this would be the last insult that Duryodhana would take !!

In the TV show, they tweaked this and showed that Duryodhana was warned by a maid before he fell into the water. However – Darupadi’s laugh is more insulting as it comes with a dialog “The son of a blind man is also blind”. Now which king will digest that meekly??

As Duryodhana left – he must have already made a decision to take back what he gave and avenge the insult. Thereby started the issue of calling Draupadi names and pointing out at the fact that she had five husbands. The issue of Vastra-Haran (disrobing) her in public stemmed from this need for revenge that Duryodhana had. And once the vastra-haran took place, the only recourse left was the war and we all know what happened.

Most issues in this world tend to arise from two manufacturing defects that we are made with. The male is infested with an ego that is much larger than his abilities … inviting situations where this ego will be dented and the male will lose his reasoning. The female is made flippant by nature – tending to take things more lightly and laughter is a natural end result of this flippance. This is naturally given to the two genders so that they attract each other. The same, if misused, can lead to Kurukshetra.

Kurukshetra started the moment Draupadi laughed and made Duryodhana look like a buffoon in front of people he considered inferior. A foolish thing that could have been avoided in many ways. The elders on the Pandava side should have advised Duryodhana and prevented him from falling into the water. At the very least – an unconditional apology should have been tendered to Duryodhana for what happened. Or did the Pandavas pre-plan all this to insult Duryodhana. History seldom records the dark side of winners or the brighter side of losers. I hold my views that there was good and bad in all involved.

Following up from my Mahabharata Blog-I, Duryodhana was sure he had a legitimate reason to seek revenge. Perhaps Karna had worked hard to broker the peace that was achieved by yielding Indraprastha. However, when he learnt of this insult to his friend by Draupadi, be needed to support his friend and remain neutral during the vastra haran. Result: Kurukshetra!!

Unsobriqueted Chatter

(another old one from 2009 archives)

Me:        Hi

She:       Yeah Hi. Why did you call me?

Me:        Well, for no apparent reason. I only wanted to...

She:       So tell me what you wanna say !!

Me:        Nothing. Nothing specific ...

She:       Sure?

Me:        Sure.

... and then there was a rustle - the sound of her feet falling over dry leaves as she faded away from my life forever!

There are still those evenings, when I can see both the setting sun and the rising moon. Similar birds flying home away from the setting sun. ... and the same rustling sound - now of wind sweeping away the dry leaves.

To me they carry the same message of a biting voidness that tends to choke my sanity. A question on that single meeting of chance which I had created. Would things be different if I were more persistent??

I still manage to recover and smile at the beauty of it all. At the insanity of calling her - and at the sanity of losing her. 

Advice to my son on how to choose his woman !

(From my archives of 2009)

My son's goes to school now.

As he grows, I'll give him three "jewels" about choosing his woman

  

1.

You are already a charming prince.

You'll soon be wanting a kiss - but remember not to croak like a frog just because you need that kiss. She may kiss you and turn you into her frog.

You may have to keep croaking and jumping for the rest of your life.

2.

Never fall in love with the hair and bring home the whole girl.

Bring her home only when you know her inside-out and are able to tolerate her worst mood and she yours.

3.

Never commit your heart to anyone till you come to a situation where the commitment is not required to be given.

If you commit and don't keep - that makes you bad.

If you commit and force yourself to keep - that makes you suffer.

The world is full of Croaking frogs ... Frequently-missed Kisses ... Frequently-kissed Misses. I hope he chooses right when he does !!

The Mahabharata Blog – I (Karna's mistake)

(From my archives: 14/09/2013)

Link to "The Mahabharata Blog - II (The Kurukshetra Trigger)

Watched the Tamil Classic “Karnan”, on the life of Karna – the first son of Kunti and elder brother of the Pandavas. Pity there were no subtitles … but I did get an essence of the plot since the Karna story is known to most Indians. Great acting by NTR in the role of Krishna.  Shivaji Ganesan seemed to overact at times – but if one considered the Karna psyche, Karna must have been a dramatizer all his life.

The ending is worthy of special mention – where a disguised Krishna goes to a dying Karna and begs for alms. When Karna says that he has nothing to give, Krishna asks for the results of all the good deeds that Karna had done in his life. Karna, the eternal donor, donates even that and dies. Krishna folds hands and begs forgiveness from Karna saying that Krishna himself was the architect of all circumstances and therefore, a large part of the blame for Karna’s misfortunes should lie on Krishna. Krishna salutes Karna.  The movie prodded me to think about the story of Karna and try to understand why everything happened the way they did.

I’ve always been fascinated by this Karna Character – who has been dramatized as an epitome of righteousness, who was wrongly ignored and compelled to join the wrong side in the Kurukshetra war, and finally killed in deceit. In spite of being the best, his achievements were limited to that of an ordinary warrior – perhaps because providence itself was against him. Most of us have a high regard for this character of the Mahabharata, and a soft corner sympathizing and questioning why life itself was against him.

I beg to be allowed to present a slightly different perspective here. Krishna in his wisdom could not have committed any wrong … so what led Karna to this destiny???

The world at that time did not know Karna’s roots. To them, he was the extremely talented son of a washerman – adept at archery and other weapons and with a radiance that befitted kings. His close acquaintances respected him for his merits. But they never saw him as the king simply because his royal birth was unknown.

Karna, in spite of all his merits, was an arrogant fellow who was driven mostly by his ego. His donations too must have had his own ego working somewhere in the background. But then, most people have their egos – and ego is useful if one is to be a king. Therefore, circumstances would tolerate his ego as long as he backed it with enough good deeds and exceptional merit.

So what was wrong in the Karna story? I do not believe that Krishna would let harm befall anyone that did not commit a mistake. What was Karna’s mistake?

When Karna challenged Arjuna in the archery contest, the royals barred him from the contest – saying that Karna was not of royal birth. At that time Duryodhana befriended Karna and made him a small-time King. Karna accepted and became indebted to Duryodhana for life.

Karna was gifted with enough intelligence to understand that Duryodhana was not helping him – but using him as a medium to score something over Arjuna. Karna was highly gifted and powerful – and with power comes a responsibility to use it wisely. Did Karna somehow lack in wisdom while joining Duryodhana by allowing his personal emotions to override what his inner voice must have told him? Was that Karna’s sole mistake (again blinded by his huge ego)? Karna willingly allowed himself to become an instrument at Duryodhana’s disposal. We know the rest of the story.

Perhaps Karna should have refused the Kingship (Could anyone really do this??). Maybe he should have tried to broker peace between the two sets of cousins. The true role of any powerful person is to achieve peace and Karna could have played a much bigger role by doing this. Maybe he tried and failed because Duryodhana was blinded by hatred and a legitimate¹ sense of revenge. At the very least, Karna should have remained neutral in the Mahabharata. Or was it that even here, Karna had his own compulsions². Perhaps Krishna had tried to advise him to remain neutral – but would a man with such a large ego listen to anyone else?

Coming back to the Tamil epic – I feel this point should also have been highlighted somewhere. This would have increased the merit of the movie and made it more real. But yes – movies are made to generate money. Populist thought will always want to see Karna in the light shown in the movie. Therefore full points to ‘Karnan’, the movie, and the people behind the making of this classic.

^{1, 2} See: “The Mahabharata Blog –II (The Kurukshetra Trigger)”